STARBUCKS THE MUSICAL COMEDY
ACT: ll SCENE lV
(The final act opens at O’Leary’s Bar at 8 PM, with Barry Feldman sitting at the bar with a drink in front of him. Barry gets up from the bar and walks over to the stage where twenty-four hours earlier his life was altered not only by his singing performance, but more importantly, the kiss on the lips from his dream girl for the past year.) In the background the song playing is by Sammy Davis Jr. “I’ve Got to Be Me”. Barry commences his soliloquy).
Barry Feldman
The past two and a half weeks have been amazing. Thank God I listened to that little voice in my head telling me that I needed a social makeover, and thank God that Joe Delany was a good enough friend to orchestrate those changes. I have pined for, and dreamed about the beautiful barista Maria for almost a year and now I think I’m on the precipice of dating her and who knows, possibly spending the rest of my life with this angel with the big brown eyes with silent “V‘s”. Unbelievable! (Turning back, looking at the stage.) I now know what Shakespeare meant when he said;” All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”.
(Barry starts walking back to the bar as Maria walks in.)
Barry Feldman
Oh Maria, thank you for coming here tonight. You look so beautiful.
Maria Bayonia
Thank jew Barry, jew look handsome yourself.
Barry Feldman
I’m going to be called a Jew the rest of my life, with no malice intended.
Let’s order a drink; I think I’m going to need one or two.
Maria Bayonia
What did jew say? I didn’t quite hear that.
Barry Feldman
Oh nothing, I was just rambling out loud. Anyway, thanks for coming. What would you like to drink?
Maria Bayonia
I’ll have a Pinot Gregio.
Barry Feldman
Bartender, we’ll have a Pinot Gregio and a Crown Royal Manhattan up with a cherry and an orange rind.
Look, what I have to say to you is so, so difficult, but I feel it has to be said. OK here goes;
For almost a year when I was the old Barry, part of the wallpaper Barry, I use to look at you and think what it would be like to go on a date with you and possibly to even kiss you. Now I find myself some three weeks into my transformation and I’m here on a date with you. (Nervously) Do you consider this a date Maria?
Maria Bayonia
Jes Barry, I consider this a date.
Barry Feldman
Good; me too. Then last night, right up there on that stage, my whole being, my body and soul had an epiphany. My body had its awakening when I found myself singing in front of an audience without yamaukas on, and they liked me, or at least they liked my singing. Then ten minutes later when you called me up on stage and kissed me on the lips, the way you did, my heart and soul seemed to explode and come to life. I don’t know how you felt but;
Maria Bayonia
Barry, Barry, I felt something wonderful when I kissed jew, like I never felt before when I kissed a man. Not that I’ve kissed many men. My intention was to give jew a peck on the cheek for jour generosity in withdrawing from the competition, and letting me win the trip to Puerto Rico for two, in spite of my mispronunciation. Then as I got closer to jew my Cuban hormones took over and as Lupe would say, I put a Havana Lip Lock on jew.
Barry Feldman
(The bartender puts the two drinks down in front of Barry and Maria) Picking their glasses up Barry says.)
Here’s to a growing friendship which I hope will mature into something meaningful; and to Joe Delany for his guidance in transforming me and giving me the confidence that I was lacking.
Maria Bayonia
Cheers!
Barry Feldman
Lakiam!
Maria Bayonia
There’s something jew need to know Barry. Dear Hasus, Mary and Jose help me. (Hesitating and making the sign of the cross) About a year ago, I went out on a date with Joe Delany.
Barry Feldman
You did what? He never mentioned it to me.
Maria Bayonia
He asked me to meet him at his hockey game which began at 7 PM. So I went. After the game, which I really didn’t understand, he took me to dinner, and then I thought he was going to drive me home. He parked on a tree lined street near his apartment and started to kiss me and hug me. Then he asked me to go up to his apartment. I told him no way Jose; I hailed a cab and went home.
I don’t have sex at the drop of a hat. As a matter of fact, I’m still waiting for the hat to drop.
Barry Feldman
Wow! I can’t believe it. Maybe playing hockey makes him horny.
Maria Bayonia
What can’t jew believe, Joe and I out on a date, or me being a virgin at twenty-five?
Barry Feldman
Honestly, both statements caught me off guard. Wow!
I guess it’s my turn to bare my soul. Earlier today when you asked me what Marsha meant by her comment of “two great performances in one week”, I told you that I would explain it tonight. Well, here goes; Last week she invited me to have dinner at her home on Friday night. In the Jewish faith, it’s somewhat traditional to have a dinner with friends and/ or family on Friday evenings which we call a Shabbat Shalom dinner, prior to our Sabbath on Saturday. We must have gone through at least two bottles of Maneschevits wine and I got snockered. I think I actually past out. When I woke up at 9:30 AM on Saturday morning I was laying there in my birthday suit on her bed with an incredibly bad hangover .Marsha said we had sex, and she’s probably right. I was in no condition to remember participating. But to be perfectly honest, I just don’t know.
Maria Bayonia
Look, I appreciate jour honesty, and like my dinner date with Joe, these were things that occurred before jew and I had any connection with each other, other than Barista and Mista. So no harm, no foul, but if we become an item, and are building a relationship together and I find out that jew had sex with Marsha or any other woman I’ll give jew a second circumcision for free, comprende!
Barry Feldman
You made your point. While I was too young to remember the first one, the thought of having a second circumcision as a thirty three year old man done by a scorned girl friend, makes me feel faint. Believe me, I comprende.
Maria Bayonia
Barry, even though this is our first date, I feel I know jew very, very well. We have seen each other Monday through Friday for almost a year, and I always appreciated they way jew treated me with respect. Jew were so cute; jew hardly ever looked up and made eye contact with me. We shared some laughs at the different names David wrote down on the coffee cups like Gary, Cary, Harry….
Barry Feldman
Don’t forget one time he wrote down Marry.
Maria Bayonia
Jes, I remember that. Maybe David was calling on his Cleon clairvoyancy, who knows. Jew know what they say, “Many of truth is spoken in yest”.
I think about the hurdles we will have to overcome if our relationship grows. Jew being a Russian Jew and me being a Cuban Catholic. But I believe that we can overcome all obstacles put in our path if we act as one.
Last night when Lupe and I got home she woke our parents up and told them what happened here last night and what jew did by withdrawing from the Karaoke competition. My father, who does not usually hand out compliments, said that he would like to meet jew and to personally thank jew for what jew did.
Barry Feldman
I’d be delighted to meet him, whenever you want.
I called my mother today and told her about you and last night. My mother is usually the last person I tell about a date, but I wanted her to know about you. She said even though you were a shickser, she knew that I was making the right choice and she too would like to meet you. She won’t have to renew her subscription in J-Date for me.
Maria Bayonia
I’d love to meet jour mom.
Barry Feldman
So, when are you and Lupe going to take your trip to Puerto Rico?
Maria Bayonia
Probably the first Saturday in May. All of my final exams are during that, week with my last exam on Friday afternoon. I’ll be more than ready for a vacation.
I’ve got something else to ask jew, but I’d like a little kiss first.
(Barry and Maria both lean forward on their bar stools and have a three second kiss.)
Barry Feldman
I hope that cleared your mind. It certainly cleared mine.
Maria Bayonia
Did it ever! Last night when Lupe and I were in the back of the taxi cab going home she shared with me an idea that her boyfriend, Tony Peroni, jew know, the guy from Con Ed who comes into Starbucks everyday had. He told Lupe that he had planned a trip to Las Vegas starting the first Saturday in May. He is in some kind of Texas Hold’em Poker Tournament and suggested to Lupe that she goes with him to Vegas. He’ll even pay for Lupe to go with him, so that jew and I could spend the week together in Puerto Rico. Amazing; coming from Tony of all people. Who knew! It sounds like he has had an epiphany too. So what do jew think?
Barry Feldman
I would love to go with you Maria, but I don’t want to upset your parents by going away with you.
Maria Bayonia
I had the same concerns. But believe it or not, while Tony was in his underground bunker on Eleventh Avenue and Twenty Fifth Street he planned that if we all left JFK around the same time on Saturday morning on the same airline, in the same terminal and came back a week latter around the same time, we could pull it off. I really want to spend time with jew Barry, and a week’s vacation together in Puerto Rico is perfect. What do jew say?
Barry Feldman
(Barry gets off of his bar stool, gives Maria another three second kiss and says)
Yes! Yes! It will be, how do you say, “moi fantastico”.
I have another surprise for you, actually two surprises.
Maria Bayonia
These surprises, are they good surprises?
Barry Feldman
Do you remember the other night right before the Karaoke competition, before I knew I was going to sing, you suggested that we should rehearse a couple of duets to perform at future Karaoke competitions?
Maria Bayonia
Jes, I remember!
Barry Feldman
Well, I wrote the lyrics and the melody for a duet yesterday, and I think we should give it a shot right here and now. (Barry reached inside his jacket pocket and hands Maria two sheets of paper which has the lyrics and music on it.)
Maria Bayonia
Wow! Jew wrote this, words and melody. I Carumba! Where did jew learn to write music?
Barry Feldman
Right after college and my CPA exams, I enrolled in several evening classes at Julliard on music composition and lyrics. Maria, I think you will like this song, it’s called Barista & Mista. Here we go. (Barry starts to sing.)
BARISTA & MISTA.
Barry: I’ve been standing on that line just to see you every day for almost a year
Maria: I would see you in line and wonder, “Does he even know I’m here”?
Barry: Barista
Maria: My Mista
V 1 Barry: Barista I love your beauty and your style,
Barista I love your eyes, I love your face, I love your smile.
Barista Though you don’t really know me, I live for you only, Barista.
V 2 Maria : My Mista, jew are the light within my soul,
My Mista, Here’s my heart and everything I have to hold.
My Mista, I can’t hide what I’m feeling, and I know that it’s really real My Mista
V 3 Barry : Barista, I’ll keep you warm when you are cold.
Maria : My Mista, I want to be with jew until we grow old.
Both: The people, they don’t see you as I do, all the goodness inside you.
Br. Maria: It’s all happening so fast, but It feels so right.
Barry: Who would think my life could change with one date; in one night.
(At this point Maria and Barry gracefully and lovingly assume an embracing dancing position and commence dancing together to a Tango beat while singing the following.)
DN. Barry : Barista, can’t you see that I love you; really I
Maria: My Mista, Can’t jew see that I love you, uh – uh.
Barry: And I thank the heavens above you love me, Barista.
Maria: And I thank the heavens above jew love me, My Mista.
(At the conclusion of the Barita, Mista song and dance, they walk back to the bar stools hand in hand and sit down.)
Maria Bayonia
Oh Barry, I feel light headed and giddy like a young school girl. I’ve never felt this way before.
Barry Feldman
Do you like the “Barista & Mista” song?
Maria Bayonia
Like it; I love it. It is us. Jew are so talented.
I’m almost afraid to ask; what is the second surprise?
Barry Feldman
Even as the old Barry, I use to think and dream about you. Several months ago I wrote a poem about us being together. It sat in my brief case for about a month and I decided to write the melody to fit my poem which I titled “ALONE” which I dedicate to you, Maria.
“ALONE”
Verse 1 Just the two of us, standing on a mountain,
Looking out toward the rest of our lives.
With you I’m not afraid; we’ll face this life together,
Taking on these uncertain times.
And I promise to love you with all of my heart,
When we’re together and when we’re apart.
Chorus : And should you ever feel alone, just look inside your heart
I’ll be there with you, forever.
No, you’ll never be alone, no matter where you are
‘Cause your love is my home,
You will never be alone.
Verse 2 Walking side by side, down life’s amazing highway
At times it’s a rough rocky road.
If either of us fall, if one of us should stumble,
The other’s there to carry the load.
And I promise to love you through all of the years,
Through the heartbreak and laughter,
The smiles and the tears.
Chorus: And should you ever be alone, just look inside my heart
I’ll be there with you, forever.
No, you’ll never be alone, no matter where you are,
‘Cause your love is my home,
You’ll never be alone.
Bridge When the years have gone by and our hair turns to gray,
When the moon doesn’t shine and the sun starts to fade,
When the angel’s decide to take me away.
Chorus: And should you ever be alone, just look into my heart
I’ll be there with you forever.
No, you’ll never be alone, no matter where you are,
“Cause your love is my home,
You’ll never be alone.
Maria Bayonia
(Maria steps onto the stage, putting her arms around Barry and says)
Barry, jew are the most talented and warm hearted CPA on the planet. I Love jew.
( They embrace in a prolonged kiss for about five seconds as the music for “ALONE” starts to fade in as the final curtain falls on” Starbucks – A Musical Comedy”.
FINIS
( As the curtain raises for the “Curtain Call’, the music for “There’s always time for a Cup of Coffee” is played without lyrics through the bows and applause, till the curtain closes for final time.)