STARBUCKS THE MUSICAL COMEDY
ACT ll, SCENE ll
( The curtain rises on O”Leary’s Bar on Tuesday evening around 7:30 PM with Barry Manalow’s song;”I WRITE THE SONG’s THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING”, playing in the background and fading as Lupe begins to speak. On stage standing by the bar is Lupe and Maria Bayonia along with Craig Silver.
Lupe Bayonia
O Maria, this is so exciting, are jew nervous?
Maria Bayonia
Yust a little. I’ve memorized the lyrics to several songs that I can sing. I yust need to speak to the Karaoke DJ to make sure that he has these songs on his computer. I’ll go and talk to him now, before he gets busy.
Craig Silver
You look simply beautiful Maria. Did you do your own hair?
Maria Bayonia
Thank jew Craig. Lupe helped me out at home with my stage look. OK guys, I’m going up to the stage and talk to the DJ, to make sure he has my two selections in his Karaoke computer.
(Barry Feldman and Joe Delany walk into O’Leary’s together and approach Lupe and Craig Silver)
Joe Delany
Hey, how’s it going? Tonight’s the big night for our budding Barista diva, Maria.
Lupe Bayonia
I know jew will be blown away when jew hear my sister sing. She has been practicing every night and on the weekend for hours on end. I was afraid she’d strain her vocal chords ust rehearsing. Maria is up talking to the DJ. I know she’ll be excited to see that jew and Barry are here to support her. Do jew know if Marsha or David are planning on coming tonight?
Barry Feldman
I don’t know about David, but Marsha mentioned that she probably would not be here tonight as she has to wake up at 5 AM to open up the store at 6 AM.
Lupe Bayonia
I didn’t know that jew knew Marsha Fine personally.
Barry Feldman
(Nervously) Well, I , I, don’t really know her all that well, but we do have the Tribe in common. (At this point Joe spits out his drink at Barry’s response).
Joe Delany
I’m sorry; my Crown Royal went down the wrong pipe.
Lupe Bayonia
Are jew OK?
Joe Delany
Thanks for asking. Outside of my ears being a little plugged up for a moment, I’ll be fine.
Lupe Bayonia
Jew know Barry, ever since jew had jour make over, Maria talks about jew a lot at home.
Barry Feldman
She does? What does she say?
Lupe Bayonia
She talks about how jew changed everything about jew. Jour clothes are more stylish, jew have a great hairstyle which compliments jour features, jew developed self confidence, and Maria says that jew even walk like John Travolta, jew know, the Saturday Night Fever Sexy Strut. (Lupe takes a few sexy struts.) In fact she told me over the weekend that she thought her manager, Marsha Fine was starting to look and act differently during the past week, and she thinks that your change has affected Marsha.
Barry Feldman
Really, Like how?
Lupe Bayonia
Maria said that when she comes in to work at 6AM, Marsha now has her hair set, instead of in a pony tail, and has a heavy intoxicating perfume on instead of smelling like Juan Valdez. Maria said she also started wearing a skirt instead of long baggy valure pants. It sounds to me like this personal radical change thing is contagious.
Joe Delany
It sounds like it could be a strain of Ebola, (everybody ought look amazing) except you don’t die from it; you just die to be with the person who has the contagious renaissance disease. (Joe Laugh’s)
I’m going to grab that table in front of the stage before it gets crowded in here. Feel free to join us.
Lupe Bayonia
Thank jew Joe, but I think we will grab another table close to the stage, I may have some of our clients at the salon join us. Come on Craig; let’s put our drinks down over there. (Lupe and Craig walk over to a table to the right, while Joe and Barry walk over to a table to the left and sit down.)
Barry Feldman
(Sitting at the table with Joe). Do you think that Maria or Lupe know about my date with Marsha last Friday night? And know there is the Cleveland complication, Joan Love.
Joe Delany
(Joe starts singing) “Whats Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It.” Anyway,. I don’t think Marsha would walk into work at 6 AM and blurt out, “guess what; I had the new Barry over for a Shabbat Shalom dinner on Friday evening and he forgot to go home.” My guess is that she would want to keep that tid bit of gossip under her sombrero. Plus you told her not to mention that you had gone out on a date, or more accurately that you had stayed home with her and she diddled with your dradle all night long.
Hey look, here is a list of songs they left on the table for the Karaoke competition. I have to see if I can sing any of these without making a horse’s petune out of myself.
Barry Feldman
So what songs are you going to sing tonight?
Joe Delany
I’m going to sing “Teddy Bear” by Elvis. I can mimic some of the Kings moves and imitate the sound of his voice, to a degree. I should have brought my white Elvis jump suit tonight. Oh by the way, do you know this song?
Barry Feldman
Are you kidding me; you own a white Elvis jump suit. Whatever possessed you to buy that? , and yes I’m familiar with the song “Teddy Bear”.
Joe Delany
Last year I was invited to a Halloween costume party, so I went on line and bought one from a store in Vegas. It looks pretty good. Has a gold four inch belt, big gold collar, black wig and sun glasses like the king of rock’n roll use to wear. I’m going to drop my song request to the DJ. I’ll be right back.
Maria Bayonia
(Walking down from the stage, she stops by Barry’s table)
Thank jew for coming tonight and supporting me. It means a lot to me that jew are here. Joe ust told me that he is doing an Elvis song. That should be a hoot.
Did jew ever sing Barry?
Barry Feldman
When I was in school; I went to a Jewish school in Brooklyn called Yeshiva, I was taught to sing and to chant some of the Hebrew songs that are sung in the Synagogue during our High Holy Days. Rabbi Elias Moskowitz told my mother that I had a good voice and that I should study to be a Cantor. I wanted no part of that.
Maria Bayonia
Wasn’t Mr. Cantor an old time Vaudeville actor and singer?
Barry Feldman
No, no, not Eddie Cantor from Vaudeville. A Cantor is the lead vocalist in the Synagogue.
Maria Bayonia
Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect, I ust never heard of a Cantor.
Barry Feldman
No disrespect taken.
What song are you going to sing tonight?
Maria Bayonia
The DJ wants every contestant to pick out one song for the first round and a second song for those contestants who make the run off round. My first round selection is “ Somewhere” from West Side Story. I tried to tie in the top prize to Puerto Rico with my singing selection. My mother jused to sing it to Lupe and me when we very joung. My second selection, assuming I get that far is a song by Frankie Avalon. It was a number one song in 1959 that my mother loved.
Barry, why don’t jew sing tonight?
Barry Feldman
I’ve never sung in public, outside of the Synagogue, and once in a while in the shower. I’m just not ready for that. Anyway, I’m not sure how I’d sound without my Yarmulke on. Joe has been after me to sing tonight, he says that I’m ready, but I don’t think I’m ready right now to get up in front of a crowd.
Maria Bayonia
Nonsense, I bet jew have a beautiful voice. Jew have a wonderful speaking voice. We should rehearse a couple of duets together and maybe sing some Karaoke in the future. It would be fun.
Barry Feldman
Not a bad idea, let me think about that one Maria. I’ll let you know.
Maria Bayonia
Look who yust walked in; Tony, the guy who works for Con Ed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before without his Hard Hat on and not in his work clothes. He’s dressed so nice. Jew know he took Lupe out on a date last Friday night, and not only did Lupe like him, but even my parents like him. I didn’t get home till 9 PM from NY Jew, so I missed seeing him. I’m going over to say Jello to him. I’ll see jew latter. Wish me luck.
(Maria walks over to Tony Peroni)
Tony, thank jew so much for coming tonight. Let me show jew where Lupe is sitting.
(Maria and Tony walk over to Lupe’s table.)
Lupe, looked who I found. I gotta run to the ladies room and freshen up
(Maria walks off stage).
Lupe Bayonia
Tony, sit down. You remember my boss Craig Silver from Starbucks.
Tony Peroni
Hi Craig, Lupe has told me a lot about you.
Craig Silver
Lupe what have you told Adonis, I mean Tony about me?
Tony Peroni
Yo! all Lupe said was that you were fun to work for and that she was learning a lot from you about coloring hair and styling and stuff like that.
Craig Silver
Thank God! I had visions of a headline story in the Village Voice “Hi Ho Silver, the Lone Stranger Rides Eleventh Avenue Again”. Or “Masked Man dumps Tonto for “Village People” Construction Worker”.
Tony Peroni
I don’t get it. Anyway, I’ve been working the past several days on Eleventh Avenue and Twenty Sixth Street; More accurately under the street at that location.
Craig Silver
You know, that whole area on Eleventh Avenue is going through a regentrafacation, and my kind of bars are sprouting up all over on Eleventh. Tony, have you ever been to the Mine Shaft on Eleventh and 24th Street?
Tony Perone
No, I haven’t. Is it a sports bar?
Craig Silver
Well, not really…; but for me it is.
Tony Peroni
I’m going to the bar to get a drink. What would you guys like? Lupe?
Lupe Bayonia
I’ll have a glass of Pinot Grigio.
Craig Silver
I’ll have a Beefeater and tonic with a twist of lime. I always thought that the Beefeater on the label was quite the catch. I love a man in a uniform. Who am I kidding, I love men period. Make’s me thirsty just thinking about him.
Tony Perone
OK, whatever. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
(As Tony walks over to the bar, Maria walks over to Lupe’s table with David Shapiro)
Maria Bayonia
I walked outside for a breath of fresh air, and found David standing by the front door. David, I think jew know my sister Lupe and her boss Craig Silver from the hair salon.
David Shapiro
Lupe, you are the Tea drinker, and Craig you also order a Grande Tazo Chai Tea Latte, right?
Lupe Bayonia
That’s very good, great memory. Jew are right on, for both of our orders. Speaking of ordering Tony just walked up to the bar to get us some drinks. Jew might want to get a drink now. I think the Karaoke competition is going to start in a few minutes.
David Shapiro
Good idea, I’ll be back in a few.
Maria Bayonia
I hope David meant minutes, not Cleon years. A week or so, David told me that he is a Treckie, jew know, someone who is a Startreck fanatic, and that at a convention of Treckies at the Javits Center he purchased an authentic Cleon Birth Certificate that told him that his Cleon name is Zarra and that he was born over ten thousand Cleon years ago, whatever that means. Don’t get me wrong David is a nice guy, he’s yust a little loopy. Oops; sorry Lupe, different spelling.
(Over the loud speaker at O’Leary’s the DJ announces that the Karaoke competition is about to begin. Each contestant will sing one song that they have chosen. Contestants will be judged by the DJ and by the applause they receive after their performance. In the event of a tie of two or more contestants, there will be a second round to determine a winner. Remember our first place winner wins a week’s vacation at the Dorado Beach Hotel and Casino and two round trip airline tickets from New York to San Juan. Our first contestant this evening is Barry Feldman who is going to sing one of Elvis’s top number one hits from the 1950’s, “Teddy Bear”. Let’s hear a nice round of applause for Barry.)
Joe Delany
Come on Barry, get up there and Sing “Teddy Bear”. You can do it. The lyrics are right in front of you on the monitor.
Barry Feldman
I can’t believe you did this to me Joe. This must be your way of getting back at me for the cougar. You put my name on the Karaoke competition form instead of yours.
Joe Delany
No, no, no, this has nothing to do with the Cleveland Cougar.You’ll be fine Barry. Just get up there and make believe you are Elvis, just like you did with Travolta two weeks ago. You did a good job acting like Travolta. This is the final step in socially reinventing yourself. Just go for it.
Barry Feldman
(Cautiously walks onto the stage, opens the first two buttons of his shirt, signals to the DJ that he is ready, and spreads his legs about two feet apart, takes on an Elvis persona and starts to sing;)
Baby, let me be your lovin’ Teddy Bear
Put a chain around my neck and lead me anywhere
Oh let me be, of let me be, Your Teddy Bear.
I don’t wanna be a Lion, Cause Lions ain’t the kind you love enough
I just wanna be your Teddy Bear, Put a chain around my neck
And lead me anywhere, Oh let me be, Oh let me be
Your Teddy Bear.
Baby, let me be around you every night
Run your fingers through my hair and cuddle me real tight
Oh let me be, Oh let me be your Teddy Bear.
I don’t want to be a Tiger, cause Tigers play to rough
I don’t wanna be a Lion, Cause Lions ain’t the kind you love enough
Just wanna be Your Teddy Bear, Put a chain around my neck
And lead me anywhere Oh let me be, Oh let me be Your Teddy Bear.
I just wanna be you’re Teddy Bear.
(Barry finishes his song on one knee striking a familiar Elvis pose.)
DJ. Let’s hear it for Barry Feldman. The King would be real proud of you Barry, Great job. Barry walks back to his table to a loud applause from the crowd, shaking some hands and waving to the patrons.)
Joe Delany
Barry, that was outstanding, you could get a part time gig doing Elvis impersonations. All you need is that white jump suit that I have at home.
(As Joe walks over to the bar, the DJ announces that the competition is really heating up and the final first round performance will be by Maria Bayonia who will sing “ Somewhere” from West Side Story. Maria
Maria Bayonia
(Walks up on stage, gives a warm smile, and waits for the music to begin.)
I selected this song, as my mother jues to sing it to me and my sister Lupe when we were little. It also has the New Jork, Puerto Rico connection. I hope jew like it
There’s a place for us, Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air, Wait for us Somewhere.
There’s a time for us, Some day a time for us,
Time together with time to spare, Time to learn, time to care
Some day.
Somewhere. We’ll find a new way of living,
We’ll find a way of forgiving, Somewhere ….
There’s a place for us, a time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there.
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow, Some day, Somewhere!
(Maria bends slightly at the waist, as she receives a standing ovation from the crowd at O’Leary’s who are hooting and hollering their approval.)
(The DJ announces that the two finalists for tonight’s Karaoke competition are Barry Feldman and Maria Bayonia. Barry come on up and lets here your second selection. Barry gets up from his chair and walks up to the stage).
Barry Feldman
I don’t know why I’m even up here for a second round after Maria’s performance of “Somewhere”. It was amazing! Anyway, the song that I selected, or more accurately that my friend Joe selected for this round ( as he reads it from the monitor), is an oldie originally sung by Dion and the Belmont’s called “The Wanderer”
(Barry, still sporting his “Elvis” look picks up the mike and sings;)
Oh well, I’m the type of guy who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are well, you know that I’m around
I kiss’em and I love’em cause to me their all the same
I hug’em and I squeeze’em they don’t even know my name
They call me the Wanderer, Yeah the Wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around.
Oh well there’s Flo on my lefta and there’s Mary on my righta
And Janie is the girl that I’ll be with tonighta,
And when she asks me, which one I love the besta?
I tear open my shirta, I got a Rosie on my chest.
Cause I’m the Wanderer, Yeah the Wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around.
Oh well I roam from town to towna, I go through life without a care,
And I’m as happy is a clowna, with my two fists of iron,
and I goin all the way on oh ya.
I’m the type of guy that likes to roam arounda,
I’m never in one place, I roam from town to towna,
And when I find myself fallen for some girl,
I hop right into that car of mine and drive around the world,
Yeah, cause I’m the Wanderer, Yeah, a Wanderer,
I roam around, around, around, around.
Cause I’m a Wanderer, Yeah, a Wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around.
(Fading) Cause I’m a Wanderer, Yeah a Wanderer. (Fade out)
(Barry receives a thunderous standing applause for his performance).
(DJ. Barry, I’m sure you can tell by the response, the audience loved it. Great Job.
Our final contestant in the runoff round is Maria Bayonia. Come on up Maria.)
Maria Bayonia
Like the first song that I sang earlier this evening, this next song was also sung to me and my sister Lupe by our mother when we were pery joung. It was a big number one hit for Frankie Avalon call “Penus”.
( Everyone gasps; everyone in O’Leary’s is stunned by what they heard, except Lupe who, because of her Spanish accent and speech couldn’t discern the difference between the “V” in Venus and Maria’s pronunciation, of “P” instead of the “V”. Everyone starts looking at each other not knowing what to do. Disaster is about to strike.)
Lupe Bayonia
(Turns to Tony and say’s) Why did everyone just gasp and giggle when Maria introduced her song?
Tony Peroni
Because she announced the song as Penus as opposed to Venus because she pronounces her V’s as P’s.
Lupe Bayonia
Oh my God! This is awful.
Maria Bayonia
Maria begins to sing.
Hey Penus, Oh Penus, Penus if jew will
Please send a boy for me to thrill
A boy who wants my kisses and my arms
A boy with all the charms of jew
Penus make him fair, I love a boy with sunlight in his hair
And take the brightest stars up in the skies,
And place them in his eyes for me.
Penus goddess of love that jew are,
Surely the things that I ask, Can’t be too great a task.
Penus if jew do, I promise that I always will be true,
I’ll give him all the love I have to give, as long as we both shall live.
Penus goddess of love that jew are,
Surely the things that I ask, Can’t be too great a task.
Penus if jew do, I promise that I always will be true,
I’ll give him all the love I have to give, as long as we both shall live.
Hey Penus, Oh Penus, Make my wish come true.
(With most of the audience in unbridled hysteria laughing, and some of the audience just stunned, Maria is confused and her feelings hurt, and at the end of the song, she runs off the stage and into the ladies room, with Lupe in close pursuit.
(Barry Feldman walks up on stage and whispers to the DJ. The DJ hands the mike over to Barry)
Barry Feldman
Listen up; I have just withdrawn from the competition for several reasons. Firstly, and most important, Maria Bayonia has a professional trained voice, and is obviously the best karaoke singer here tonight. I’m just someone who sings in the shower, and cars, (when I think no one is listening). Secondly, it’s not fair to penalize Maria because of her heritage, as she can’t discern certain letters and sounds Like V’s and P’s. While it makes for sophomoric humor, and I have to admit, I laughed along with the rest of you. We need to rise above this, and award Maria the first prize trip to Puerto Rico. It’s the right thing to do and she deserves it.
(DJ. Thanks’ Barry. With that said, let’s get around to awarding the first place prize, to Maria Bayonia. Come on up to the stage and pick up your first place award the seven day vacation to San Juan, Puerto Rico and round trip air fare on American Airlines.
Maria Bayonia
(With a fair amount of coaxing from Lupe, the ladies room door opens and Maria and Lupe emerge and head for the stage. Wiping the tears from her eyes;)
I want to thank all of jew for jour support and understanding, especially for my mispronunciation of my V’s, that sound like P’s. I’m so embarrassed. Barry, what can I say; thank jew so much for what jew did this evening. This trip for Lupe and I means so much to us. We certainly could not afford to go if we had to pay for it. Jou’re a gracious yentelman and I’d like everyone to give jew a round of applause. Please come back up here on stage.
(As Barry reaches the stage, Maria gives him a warm hug and a kiss on the lips. While still kissing, the scene freezes and the curtain comes down ending Act 2, Scene 2).